To be perfectly honest, I don’t think I enjoy motherhood as much as I should be.
Sacrifices, shifting of priorities…
I’m not half the girl I used to be.
I’m a mom.
And a mom, in many people’s eyes, has certain standards to play to. I’m never a good conformer of rules.
I’m not one of those who gush, “Oh, being a mother is so tiring but definitely fulfilling.”
A fulfilling life, to me, does not consist wholly of tending to a toddler 24/7. There’s also the partner, my self, God. My child is definitely not going to be the sole reason for my life’s purpose, though it is currently, inevitably, taking up the most time and effort.
However, this Christmas, I found myself saying one of the most cliché things.
It was Christmas eve. And we brought Oliver out for dinner at NYDC’s.
My boy is a big eater ever since young.
Food is his life.
I’m not even kidding.
I’ve always been strict with his diet because if I allow him to eat as much as he wants to, he’ll be humongous. As it is, he’s already edging on the 97th weight percentile for all his life.
The restaurant was having a “buy a main meal and kids eat for free” promotion (Bless the organization for perks like these) and we decided to indulge our kiddo a little.
Beef burgers. Unhealthy and fattening.
We only allowed him the bread, vegetables and beef though. Those fried stuff are still out of bounds for the little one.
Oliver is at the stage where he enjoys being treated equally on the dinner table. He’s happy when we don’t put him in the baby chair and no matter how small a portion we allow him our share of food, he’s contented as long as he’s not left out.
And for the first time in his life, after seeing plates being placed in front of Daddy and Mommy, his very own plate was presented to him, the mini sized meal obvious to whom it was for.
I saw the expression “eyes lit up” literally playing out before me.
Oliver’s eyes were sparkling.
And he had on the cutest expression on like “Is this for me?” When we told him, yes, this is for you! He broke out into a smile and was so excited but obeyed our instructions to wait whilst we take pictures.
I finally knew why people bring their kids to Disneyland, why they spend so much time and money on seemingly trivial stuff.
That clear burst of genuine happiness is something that tugs at my heartstrings so much, that image was imprinted in my mind. Every time I thought of it, I smile.
If that’s what sacrifices are about, what giving is about, then now I understand.
I understand the Christmas spirit.
And I understand why they say at the end of the day, just that smile is worth it.
For me, it was that sparkle in his eyes, that made it worth it all.